Naruto Crackfics
by sweetthings8
Summary: Naruto characters tell of the funniest thing to ever happen to them! Tobi and Naruto up now.
1. i am what i am

* * *

5 year old Tobi sat alone in his father's tea shop looking over the room he had just decorated for tonight's karaoke performances many people from his family would be coming even his cousins best friend Miyu, he shuddered at the mental image of the fat, pudgy faced girl who much to his dismay had, had a crush on him ever since they had met.

3 hours had passed and now the shop was filled with participants and people who had come just to drink tea and watch the singers, Tobi was attacked from behind by a GIANT! (Lol jk, jk)

"Why hello Tobi-kun I bet you just can't wait to hear me sing!" Miyu practically screamed into Tobi's poor un-expecting ear he cringed and fought off the mass and ran off to find his father who was talking to the people who were participating in the 'show.'

Everyone had settled down and now they were watching the stage with Tobi's father on stage thanking everyone for coming … blah blah blah…

"Firs up is Takishe Imoto, who will be singing just the girl, by click 5." (Tobi's eldest brother)

_

* * *

__She's cold and she's cruel but she knows what she's doing_

_She pushed me in the pool at out last school reunion_

_She laughs at my dreams but I dream at her laughter_

_Strange as it seems she's the one I'm after_

_'Cause she's bittersweet_

_She knocks me off my feet_

_And I can't help myself_

_I don't want anyone else_

_She's a mystery_

_She's too much for me_

_But I keep coming back for more_

_She's just the girl I'm looking forShe can't keep a secret for more that an hour_

_She runs on one hundred proof attitude power_

_And the more she ignores me, the more I adore her_

_What can I do, I'd do anything for her_

_'Cause she's bittersweet_

_She knocks me off of my feet_

_And I can't help myself_

_I don't want anyone else_

_She's a mystery_

_She's to much for me_

_But I keep coming back for more_

_She's just the girl I'm looking for_

_And when she sees it's me_

_On her caller ID_

_She won't pick up the phone_

_She'd rather be alone_

_But I can't give up just yet_

_'Cause every word she'd ever said_

_Is still ringing in my head_

_Still ringing in my head_

_She's cold and she's cruel but she knows what she's doing_

_Knows just what to say so my whole day is ruined_

_'Cause she's bittersweet_

_She knocks me off of my feet_

_And I can't help myself_

_I don't want anyone else_

_She's a mystery_

_She's too much for me_

_But I keep coming back for more_

_'Cause she's bittersweet_

_She knocks me off of my feet_

_And I can't help myself_

_I don't want anyone else_

_She's a mystery_

_She's too much for me_

_But I keep coming back for more_

_Oh I keep coming back for more_

_She's just the girl I'm looking for_

_Just the girl I'm looking for_

_I'm looking for_

_I'm looking for_

_I'm looking for_

_Just the girl I'm looking for _

* * *

His song ended with enthusiastic applause and he stepped off the stage

3 more acts went by until _it_ came on stage

"Next up is Miyu Ishataka singing 'Bad boy' by cascada

Miyu took, well grabbed the microphone from Tobi's father and screeched into it "This is for my Tobi-kun!"

* * *

_Remember the feelings, remember the day_

_My stone heart was breaking_

_My love ran away_

_This moment I knew I would be someone else_

_My love turned around and I fell Be my bad boy, be my man_

_Be my week-end lover_

_But don't be my friend_

_You can be my bad boy_

_But understand_

_That I don't need you in my life againWon't you be my bad boy, be my man_

_Be my week-end lover_

_But don't be my friend_

_You can be my bad boy_

_But understand_

_That I don't need you again No I don't need you again Bad boy! You once made this promise_

_To stay by my side_

_But after some time you just pushed me aside_

_You never thought that a girl could be strong_

_Now I'll show you how to go on Be my bad boy, be my man_

_Be my week-end lover_

_But don't be my friend_

_You can be my bad boy_

_But understand_

_That I don't need you in my life again Won't you be my bad boy, be my man_

_Be my week-end lover_

_But don't be my friend_

_You can be my bad boy_

_But understand_

_That I don't need you again_

_No I don't need you again _

* * *

The end of her _song _was met by a few uncertain claps

Tobi knew from the start of the chorus that he was going to kill.

He slipped on his ski mask to ashamed to show his face

Tobi stole into the night wearing his ski mask (I know, I know) he slipped into his tormentorsroom and snuck up behind her she turned around and asked

"Who are you?" With a blank look on her face he answered slyly

"Your worst nightmare!" And he slashed her throat no more horrid _'notes' _would emit from her as long as forever. (Sry I know its cliché but I had to do it!)

Tobi sat up taller

"And that's how I became a member of the Akatsuki." Tobi summed up his story he looked at all the shocked faces, the room was filled with laughter.

"_That's _why you always say you're a good boy!" Deidara yelled from the floor

"That's the last time I tell you guys anything about my past!" Tobi murmured


	2. Naruto

Naruto spent his life pondering why everyone was mean to him, he couldn't comprehend why every time he smiled at people they shivered and quickly hurried on their way.

After a particularly bad day at school Naruto went to the park, sat down under a willow tree, pulled out his iPod, and turned on Teenagers by My Chemical Romance.

The song blasted in his ears and he rested against the trunk and sung along in his soft deep voice.

'_What you got under your shirt, Will make them pay for the things that they did.  
They said all teenagers scare the living shit out of me'_

Naruto stopped and rewound the song to the chorus and he listened to it again.

'What I've got under my shirt, huh?" He mused silently lifting up his shirt to reveal the Five-pronged seal.

A broad smile split his face in two.

'Will make them pay for the things that they did.' He finished silently, switching off his iPod and he leaned back a plan forming in his mind.

Monday swung around quickly, and Naruto ran to school in excitement he had figured out how destroy the seal, he planned to torture the children.

Naruto released the seal upon entering the school grounds. Here came his first Victim!

Ami, the meanest girl in the school came up to him and poked him in the forehead, Naruto growled and upon contact, he released a powerful surge of chakra into her she stood in her own world the only thing that made sense was the fact that Naruto now controlled her.

Naruto whispered something into her ear and she ran off, Naruto laughing behind her.

Every person that came up to him that morning excluding Sasuke-teme, Sakura-tenshi and Hinata-hime disappeared from school. None of the Sensei's asked why but Naruto was the only one that didn't seem to care.

Hinata and Sakura pulled him aside after one class and asked him what was going on. He just smiled and kissed Hinata good-bye and rushed to his next class.

Naruto had almost escaped from them after class but they tied him to his chair and threatened him with a makeover.

"Are you guys interrogating a student in my classroom?" Iruka asked in shock.

Sakura and Hinata looked at Naruto and then back to Iruka.

"Sorry sensei." They apologized together and dragged Naruto's chair out into the hall and pushed it up against the lockers.

"Now tell us what's going on!" they demanded.

"Fine, I undid the seal that held the Kyuubi inside of me. It's not a bad thing!" he insisted seeing the shocked looks on their faces. "Really, I can influence people to do things that I want, like next hour I influenced Sasuke-teme into wearing a pink shirt." Naruto chuckled at this.

"What happened to the other students?" Hinata asked leaning close to Naruto.

"I influenced them into going to (insert name of the stupid ramen shop whose name I forgot.) In addition, eat until they gained 80 pounds, and then after that they had to run around the village naked screaming about 'the angry man with the needles is after me!' I was planning on ditching school to go watch, but gaining 80 pounds can take a while." Naruto told in them.

Hinata and Sakura stared at him for a few minutes before bursting out laughing, rolling on the floor.

"Naruto did you use a forbidden technique on Sasuke?" Kakashi asked rounding the corner with a dazed looking Sasuke wearing a pink shirt that said 'Skittles, taste the rainbow!'

Naruto burst out laughing, his face straightened "No I didn't use a forbidden technique it's just that time of the month." He said his face serious but his eyes were laughing harder than any of them.

Kakashi let go of Sasuke's shoulder and left, Sasuke walked over to the still tied up Naruto and kneeled.

"Golden monkey of the west I have vanquished the evil Telli-Tubbies evil plot to destroy the earth!" Sasuke said in all seriousness, Sakura and Hinata fell to the floor clutching their sides.

Moral of the story: Never give Naruto the power to influence anything or anyone.

**It's like 10:42 at night and I'm high on pizza rolls :D I love pizza rolls… Oh, yea this is just a collection of crack-fics I have one about Sasuke next, and as you can guess it's based off a song too. **


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